This is Why You Shouldn't Name a Baby Right After the Drugs Wear Off

What were they thinking? There should be some sort of mandatory waiting period for new parents. A break between giving birth and naming the baby is a must. Here are a few names that made it into the top 1000 baby names of 2007, and that we're convinced were set in stone before the parents came back down to earth after the baby was born.

Boys

ADRIAN - There is nothing masculine about this name. Stop using it for your sons.

AGUSTIN - The wind was agustin and the rain was afallin.

ARJUN - We we arjun about how to spell Argentina. I was right.

ATTICUS - We will put his nursery in the atticus or maybe in the sparicus bedroomicus.

AVERY - Every Avery is a girl...except your Avery.

AXEL - How many doctors or CEO's do you know named Axel? Maybe he can be an accident injury lawyer.

BOBBY - Does not play well with others. Has a Brady Bunch Complex.

BILLY - Psycho killer.

BROOKS - My parents are water conservationists.

CANNON - Just keep your arms at your side. You will hear me countdown and then...BLASTOFF!!

CHANCE - We took a chance and didn't wear a condom and now here you are!

CLARENCE - The rack in the back of the store with the reduced prices.

COLIN - We've covered this name before, but parents continue to name their sons after the body's Number 2 storage system.

COLTON - Is this is reference to the horse or the koolaid drinkers?

CRISTIAN - Is this your way of taking the word Christ out of the name?

DAKOTA - The only Dakota we know wants pink frosting on her birthday cake.

DALE - Our first choice was Chip, but we really liked the sound of Dale.

DAMIAN - Dang Demon

DAWSON - Like those river kids...or was it a creek?

DENNIS - The Menace?

ENRIQUE - He can be your hero, baby.

ERICK - Relax, no one will think that you are illiterate if you just spell it without the c and k together. Just choose one or the other.

EZEQUIEL- No, this one isn't hard to spell at all. Your kindergardener won't have any trouble.

FABIAN - We didn't want anything as flamboyant as Fabio.

FRANCISCO - Is your sister San?

GRAYSON - This is our son Grace.

HAMZA - My parents are carnivores.

HECTOR - Heckling Hector

HOLDEN - What are your busy holding, Holden? You're certainly not holding your own.

HUGO - Hugo that way and I will go this way.

JAMARCUS - It's James and Marcus put together since everyone knows that you can't give a child two names...so I just combined them.

JASON - We have enough Jasons left over from the 80's, stop using this name.

JIMMY - Mullet.

JONAS - Soon enough all of the girls who are screaming and crying over those brothers will be vehemently denying that they ever liked the Jonas Brothers and your kid will be stuck with the name.

JOSUE - We can't figure out how to pronounce this name. Is it Joe Sue? EWWW

JULIAN - This is a girl's name. You are effectively naming your son Julie Anne.

JULIUS - We both really love oranges and we met at Jamba Juice.

KEEGAN - This is way to close to "kegel," you know, pelvic floor muscle exercise for women.

KRISH - I have had a crush on you ever since the crash on the way home from the creche exhibit.

LEONARDO - We're not sure you want the word NARD in your child's name.

MARCO - Polo

MARIO - Did someone say they still have an old Nintendo? I want to be Luigi.

MILES - I would walk 500 hundred miles and I would walk 500 more, just to be named after a unit of measurement.

MISAEL - Weapons of mass destruction.

MOSHE - A pit in which concert goers ram into each other sometimes inflicting injury.

NICHOLAS - As in St. Nick.

NOE - Really cute, mom and dad. Your kid won't hear NO enough during his childhood.

OSCAR - You win one if you can pretend really well.

PAXTON - Double-blind studies of this drug have shown an increase in diarrhea, constipation, headache, fever, and chills. Rash and irritation may occur and fainting is possible after standing for more than ten minutes. Do not take Paxton if you have liver disease. Talk to your doctor today about the benefits of Paxton.

PRINCE - Who named that kid?

RIVER - Brooks' brother.

ROMEO- The target of many a wedgie during grade school.

RONALD - As in McDonald? You are naming him after a clown that sells heart disease by the bag full?

RUDY - Like that kid who got to play in the game or is it a reference to The Cosby Show?

SIMON - We are really hoping he can destroy other people's self-confidence in one cruel zing after they sing.

SLADE - He had never killed anyone before, but he had read about men who had slayed.

SONNY - I've got you, babe.

URIEL - Urinal.

WAYLON - He was waylon on the saxophone during the concert.

WILLIE - Wee willie winkie. He's so stinky.

WYATT - Quiet Wyatt!

XZAVIER - We weren't sure how to spell it and didn't want to take the time to Google the name, so we guessed.



Girls

ADAMARIS - A damar is someone who builds dams for a living and not a name for a baby girl.

AKIRA - No, I am not named after a car. It would have to be Acura for that. My name means akira about you.

ARACELY - Let's go harass Aracely.

ARIELLE - Our little mermaid and be spelled it differently to make it less obvious that we name our children after animated characters from Disney. Her brothers Sebastian and Flounder are so excited to finally have a sister.

ASPEN - Ash, Birch, Cedar, Conifer, Maple, Oak, Pine, Willow...

AZARIA - The state is called Arizona, not Azaria.

BARBARA - Someone lost a bet.

BRIA - It's a little too close to "bra."

CHARITY - The most selfish girl we know.

CHASTITY - Guaranteed to have a teen pregnancy.

CHAYA - Chaya always chafes when she is chasing chipmunks.

CLARISSA - How long can you hold the S sound?

ESSENCE - Essence of dirty diapers and dried on applesauce.

FRIDA - Her parents other choices were Monda, Tuesda, Wednesda, Thursda, Saturda, and Sunda.

GILLIAN - Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip and a girl named after Gilligan's Island.

GIULIANA - We know whose parent wrote their thesis on guillotines.

HAVEN - A word better suited for the name of a retirement home than a person's name.

JAKAYLA - Just stick to Jake for a boy and Kayla for a girl. Compromise just means that you work together. It doesn't mean that you are supposed to actually combine your choices.

JALIYAH - The creative spelling for the word July or maybe they really wanted to name their daughter You Liar.

JAMYA - We went to Jamaica on our honeymoon. Yeah man.

JANESSA - It's like she is a child of the 80's. She wants to wear her bangs really big and sing Madonna songs.

JAYLYN - How many more Y's can we add? How about Jaylyney?

JEWEL - And these foolish games are tearing me apart so I think I'll name my baby after a lady who sings about taking off clothing and standing in the rain.

JIMENA - Jimena girl had a baby.

JOURNEY - Truck driver.

JUDITH - Grandma, is that you?

KEELY - She is as slippery as an eel.

KELIS - She is going to kelis all.

KHLOE - We were concerned that her name wouldn;t be mispronounced often enough, so we switched out the C for a K.

LETICIA - The problem with names that end with an -ia sound is that all of her life she will have to explain that her name isn't Letisha.

LITZY - Ditzy Litzy has a fitzy when she doesn't getzy to stay in the ritzy.

LIZETH - Because her parents couldn't decide which Grey's Anatomy character to name her after, they just combined Izzy Stevens, Meredith, and Lexie Grey.

MAEVE - Mauve?

MARITZA - The merits of never cracking a baby name book.

MARLEN - Is this some sort of Finding Nemo reference?

MAYRA - Junera, Julyra, Augustra, Septembra....

MEADOW - Her parents wanted to always remember where Bambi's mother was killed.

MONSERRAT - Monster Rat.

NATHALY - We are concerned that your daughter Natalie needs speech therapy, although she really only has trouble saying her name. She seems to have a very limited speech impediment that only effects her name.

NEVEAH - How about yllis eman instead?

NOEMI - No means no. You don't noemi.

PATIENCE - Let's see, she is the one over there screaming at those toddlers.

PRECIOUS - We named her after Grandma's Dog.

PRINCESS - Guaranteed to wear dresses and wave with an elbow elbow wrist wrist wrist whether she likes it or not.

RYANN - Just adding an extra N doesn't make one of the best boy's names out there into a girl's name.

SALMA - Her parents never wanted to forget the great salmonella poisoning incident that happened during the pregnancy.

SANAA - What?

SANIYAH - This is our girl version of Sanjaya because we are raging American Idol fans and we cried and sent angry letters when Sanjaya was voted off.

SHARON - Are you sharon all of your 1980's relics with your friends?

SHILOH - No, we aren't ripping off the name of that Jolie-Pitt kid. It's a family name, we promise.

SHIRLEY - Surely Shirley will be here shortly to watch the Golden Girls with me.

SHYANN - We are really hoping she will be outgoing and chatty.

STACY - Hey, the 80's called and they want their name back.

TIARA - Now you will never know how mommy felt when she always got runner up in beauty contests because you will always be the biggest tiara of all and no one can take it away from you when you finally do win because of the photos that surface of you smoking banana peels and streaking through chess tournaments...but mommy wouldn't know anything about that.

XIOMARA - It's "see you tomorrow," said fast.

YAMILET - We just couldn't figure out why no one would take us up on our idea to act out Hamlet while dressed up like Sweet Potatoes.

YARITZA - My parents met at a Yatzee convention held at the Ritz.

YULIANA - Mom, everyone keeps calling me Juliana because that is a real name.